Thank your for engaging on this conversation, Stephen.
Indeed, there is no blaming others, not for any reason, not even the lack of a reasonable chance. The idea behind this is that people can only do what they do, and we cannot know about the circumstancial causes of someone's behaviour. Therefore, the concept of sammakammanta, commonly rendered in English as (moral and ethical) right behavior, is uniquely ours. The whole charge is with us and with us only.
Blaming "others" puts us on the same footing as theirs, because it is due to "them" blaming "us" for "their" suffering that "their" behavior is off-course.
Mind-training is very helpful in this case, particularly where the practice of equanimity (upekkha) is concerned. Have you read my piece on the practice of sattasambojjhanga?
Mindful equanimity helps us transcend the us/them illusion, and creates inner eagerness (viriya) to overcome all anger and take on a life-long practice of loving kindness (metta).
This is when the chain of suffering and anger and violence stops.
As human beings, we have the ability to do this. We can.
